We love each other but not ‘in love’


We love each other but not ‘in love’

Posted by Jean Pollack in Coaching, Counseling, General, Relationship Coaching, Relationship Counseling 05 Jan 2018

“We love each other but I’m not in love and I feel so guilty.”

You are not alone if you are feeling this way.  I am seeing more and more people seeking couples counseling and coaching who are not happy.

One partner seems to be unaware of the other’s need for more intimacy, affection, space and the other is content and unaware or maybe has checked out emotionally.

It is sad and frustrating when two people love each other and may even have children together but seem to grow apart..why? How does it happen and how can it be prevented or healed?

I believe relationship maintenance is necessary. We maintain our health , our  car etc. with regular checkups. Our  relationships need weekly, monthly or even yearly checkups and ongoing maintenance. A checkup is necessary to assess needs and communication of those needs to each other. Communication is so important and the lack of honest and open communication is one of the main reasons for people falling out of love with each other.

Falling out of love occurs gradually due to overly scheduled lives, too much focus on children and not enough on the relationship. After all, the best gift you can give your children is happy fulfilled and loving parents.

So how do relationships fall out of love and what can be done to rebuild? Most of the time couples need to improve their style of communication. What is your communication cycle? http://www.relationshiponlinecoaching.com/what-is-your-communication-cycle/

This is so important to understand because many times your communication cycle is unconsciously functioning from learning communication styles that your parents or significant others demonstrated.

Being aware is the first step to changing your style to meet both you and your partner’s needs for a loving supportive respectful relationship. The most simple practice is to say ‘I feel and I need’ to each other but many times there is too much anger or resentment that has built up over the years together.  One person has not expressed their wants and needs or the other hasn’t listened so this is where the checkup and or relationship tune up comes in.

It is so important to check in with each other with a relationship coach/or counselor to prevent this dysfunctional communication cycle from starting.

Today is the day to begin simple steps toward healing, rebuilding or moving past the dysfunction toward a move loving, respectful and fulfilling life for yourself and your partner. It starts with new thoughts and this will brings new behaviors and more happiness. I offer online relationship coaching and counseling to help you.

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